Happy Thanksgiving!!

This Thanksgiving, I really feel like I need to step back and look at everything that I really need to be thankful for. Its been such a tough year and at times I wasn't feeling thankful for anything, but today I realized some of the things that I complain about, are what I am thankful for the most:

--All the toys spread throughout my house-makes me thankful that my kids have so many toys to play with
--The dirty dishes in the sink-make me thankful that we have food to eat
--The piles of laundry-make me thankful that we have clothes to wear
--Putting gas in my car-makes me thankful that I have a car to drive
--Bitching about my job-makes me thankful that I am employed
--Yelling at my kids-makes me thankful that I have kids
--Having the alarm wake me up early-makes me thankful that I am alive another day

So many people have so much less and I just need to look at what I do have and appreciate every single gift I have been given!!

Grateful

Actually grateful doesn't even begin to explain how I feel for what happened this weekend.

The company I work for has a Thanksgiving food drive every year, where they collect food and also have a huge raffle to raise money to buy items for families in need. We always try to pick families that are related in some way to CoreSource. Maybe a family member, or friend or even an employee who is in need. So last week my supervisor emailed me and asked me if I would mind if she put my name in the Thanksgiving basket. I said yes-thinking she was talking about the raffle. Well then she tells me to pick up the stuff on Friday the 21st and that it was anonymous and that no one would know that I was picking it up. So then I realized that she put my families name in to receive the basket. She knew that I have had a really bad year and with Justin not really working, we are very strapped for cash and thought we could use a little help with some food. I was told it would be dinner for a Thanksgiving dinner plus some extras. So I figured it would be a turkey, some stuffing, corn, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie and maybe a few other things.

Well Friday I went up with the boys to my work after hours and when I walked into the room where the stuff was, my jaw dropped. There was an entire table full of bags, probably about 10 or so, with various different items-including milk, eggs, 2 loaves of bread, lots of cans of veggies, 2 boxes of Bisquick, tons of McCormick spices, mac n cheese, drink mixes, coffee, tea, toilet paper, paper towels, and tons of other things!! Logan was like-"Is all this for us, Mommy?"" I had tears on my eyes. To think that all these things were bought or donated to us, so that I could save money on my groceries, was overwhelming. I almost felt like I didn't deserve it, I mean there are so many people in this country who have it a lot worse then us, and I am usually the one who is giving, not receiving. I rally had a hard time not feeling guilty about it, until I realized that after everything I have been through this year, I have learned that some times you need help and its okay to accept it. I will be forever grateful to my co-workers for providing my family with much needed groceries and hope that as times get better for me, I will be able to do the same for another family one day.

Justin

I've been avoiding writing a post about Justin, only because his whole situation is such a long and complicated one, that its hard to explain. But now I feel like I need to update his progress, or lack there of. He had the morphine pump put in on November 7, and of course the way my luck works, the hospital forgot to order the morphine!! But the doctor said he could do the surgery anyway, and just fill it with saline and Justni would just come back for the morphine a few days later. So he had the surgery, stayed overnight and came home the next morning. He was very sore, they had to make 2 incisions-one about 7 inches long in his abdomen, and one about 3 inches long in his back. The pump is actually under the skin in his abdomen and is the size of a hockey puck. You can see it sticking out some, but doesn't seem to bother him that much. They need to start him off at a very low dose of morphine so that it does not shock his system, so he is still taking his regular oral medication. Then every week, they will increase his pump dosage 1 milligram. They will start slowly weaning him off his oral medication, so that he doesn't have any withdrawal from it. The whole process will probably take about 3 months to complete. He might feel some pain relief before that time, but to fully complete the process it will take that long.

Now though-since his surgery he has had severe leg pain, like shocks of pain going down his left leg. Its to the point where he can barely walk. I don't know if that is just from them messing around in his back, and irritating the nerves, or something else. He is so discouraged from this, as am I. We just want this whole nightmare to be over!! WE have been dealing with this for 10 years and its just not fair to have to go through this, especially at such a young age. Money is so tight because he really can't work full time now, and the bills keep coming. I hate seeing him just laying in bed everyday in pain, but I also hate that I have to take on all the responsibilities that he would normally share with me. I pray every single day that his pain can go away and I can have my husband back. This has been the toughest year of my life and I feel like I am hanging on to a thread. This is his last hope for pain relief, there is nothing else that can be done-so there is a lot riding on this working. We'll see-until then-I will continue to pray!!

Not again!!!

Well after I just got over Logan's little accident, Alex has one. Last night he was running into Logan's room and tripped over a bean bag chair and fell into Logan's bed side. His lip was instantly bloody and I figured that was all. He seemed kind of cranky the rest of the night, but he went to bed fine. Then this morning his poor lip was all swollen and it hurt his to eat or drink. But it wasn't until tonight that I noticed that his front tooth was pushed back! I completely freaked out! It like pushed up into his gums some and then back. Its not loose or anything, but it worries me. I don't want him to have to have it pulled, or have to deal with a bent tooth for the next 3 years until it falls out. I will have to call the dentist tomorrow to see what they think. At least its a baby tooth but still-that must have hurt!!!

Our new president!!!

Well this week history was made in that the first African American man became elected President of the United States. I personally voted for him, because I think he has some good ideas to turn this country around. I'm not going to pretend that I know that much about politics, but I tried to learn some for this election. So here's to hoping the next 4 years are better then the last 8!!!

Logan's Boo Boo :(

Logan was in out garage today and was trying to get something down off the wall, and a small shovel fell on his head and busted it open. I thought he just had a bump, until he moved his hand and the blood was gushing. Once I could see it up close, I saw that it was about an inch gash and I knew he would have to get stitches or something. He actually stopped crying after a few minutes and was then acting like nothing had happened. Of course we were just about ready to go to a birthday party, so Justin said he would take Logan to the Expresscare and I would take Alex to the party. I really wanted to go with him, but was kind of scared of what they might have to do to him and how he react. So I took Alex to the party, only to find out that the little boy had gotten sick and they had to cancel it!! So I met Justin up at Expresscare and Logan was just getting to his room. He had done something to his thumb a few days ago and it was all swollen so they took xrays of that to make sure nothing was broken, which is wasn't--only a sprain. Then they cleaned up the cut, put some numbing cream on it and put the staples in. I couldn't watch when they did that-he screamed but it was probably more from the pressure, then actual pain. They wrapped his thumb in an ace bandage and sent us on our way! He look like he got into a bar fight! He did so well-and its like nothing ever happened. I'm so proud of my brave boy!!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Halloween was fun-Logan was alittle scared of the costumes and decorations, but did okay. He walked with Regan and Madison and after about 15 houses he told Aunt Koren that he was done-his bag was full and he had enough candy to make him sick! I took Alex around and he was so funny!! At first he didn't quite know what to do-he would go up to the houses and once they opened the door, he thought he was supposed to go in!! I mean why not, that's what usually happens when you ring the doorbell and someone answers! But then once he figured out that these people were given him lots of candy for just looking cute-he was into it. We must have gone to 40 or so houses, of course all townhouses, but he just kept going. His bag was overfilling! Then we all just hung out at Koren's house while all the kids bounced off the walls on their sugar highs! We got home around 8:45 and Alex crashed right away and didn't wake up until 9:00 this morning.